i almost quit my job today

Author //  Ryan Day Read Time // 2-3 minutes    Date // March 30, 2020

I had nothing to do at work and it terrified me. 

Some background: I work in outside sales at a company that manufactures signs, logos for buildings, graphics for monuments, and more. Our customer base is mostly locally owned businesses and it’s been a stressful couple of weeks with the coronavirus pandemic — lockdowns, self-quarantines, and social distancing are quickly becoming the norm.Customers I worked with every month had stopped answering the phone, returning my emails, or (even worse) closed up shop.

That meant no prospects, no projects, no sales… nothing.

I panicked.

I got in my car, drove to a nearby grocery store, bought a drink, and just started crying. I didn’t even make it back into my car before tears were streaming down my face — by the time the automatic doors closed behind me, I was sobbing.

I needed to talk to someone… anyone… so I pulled out my phone and scrolled through my contacts list.

A friend… voicemail.

My pastor… voicemail.

My wife… voicemail.

Another friend… voicemail.

I pounded the dashboard, angry and alone with my fear, and wrote out a quick resignation speech to my boss. I needed to make a move quickly. After all, every day I spent at my current job was a day I wasn’t making the money I would need to feed my family or pay our mortgage. I checked social media to see when my state would be locked down so I knew how much time I had left. I thought of side gigs I could do for quick cash in the event I needed to work from home.

And of course God let me spend all that time worrying and trying to figure it out on my own before He started talking.

It has been a stressful couple of weeks and it will be hard to navigate through the next couple of months. I’ll need to work hard to keep a steady paycheck. But my panic wasn’t just because I was afraid I wouldn’t be able to pay the bills. It was something else…

If I’m honest with myself, I was insecure because far too much of my identity is wrapped up in how well I do my job.

I was doing my job poorly, so what am I worth?

“You are worth dying for,” God reminded me in that empty grocery store parking lot.

I sat for a few minutes in silence and my thoughts kept coming back to a line in Psalm 46: “Be still and know that I am God.”

This is one of the most popular verses in the Bible and it’s commonly interpreted as an encouragement to take some quiet time with God.

But it’s actually a battle cry!

The writer of Psalm 46 was likely living in a time of war. Attacks were coming from all sides and that sounds as good a time as any to take up your sword and figure out a way to win. But God doesn’t want us to try and figure out how to win.

He breaks the bow.

He shatters the spear.

He burns the shields with fire.

God wants us to be still and confident that He is who He says He is.

I didn’t have an invading army at my door, but I did have a very believable lie bouncing around my head — “I am worth only what I can bring to the table.”

But that’s just not true. And I’m not going to believe it anymore.

Instead, I’m going to suit up, be still, and trust that God is God. 

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